The Trumped up Committee
Submissions and estimates are requested relevant to the construction of the forthcoming:
It is expected that this magnificent structure will be designed to the highest standards, and be empathetic with the proclaimed ambitions and substantial achievements of the said President.
The Committee is committed to the view that the structure should generate a revived interest
in the sadly discarded style of
Taking into account the President’s very substantial Lie-brary, the structure is anticipated to have dimensions of
approximately 12 feet by 8 feet, to be heated by CLEAN coal, and incorporate an LGBT sensitive bathroom. A small attic, or grope room, for the use of visiting dignitaries (in case there are some) should be included.
Exterior colours should be blue walls, and a yellow roof with slight frontal overhand.
At least ONE wall should be reserved for use as the Library, with storage and access suitable for a modest number 140 & 280 word tweets printed on 1-ply toilet paper re-cycled from the LGBT bathroom.
Parking spaces should be provided for least one vehicle, plus a turning circle to symbolize the President’s mercurial mind.
The CLIMATE of GREAT BRITAIN …. by John WILLIAMS, Esq. LONDON, 1806,
C. and R. Baldwin
You can find this book online (scanned from the Boolean Library, Oxford. It is not the sort of organized scientific study its title would lead a modern reader to expect. Its primarily an anecdotal discussion of weather in Britain through history, but very thorough and detailed in its way, and why it appeared to change from what was taken to be normal. To my surprise scanning through it, I found on page 5 the following: the first graphic is text from the main text, the second is from a footnote.
I know – you are wondering about this! well if I don’t put extra at the bottom it will black out some of the bit I DO want you to read. WELL it DID black out part of the graphic before!
Ditto – HONEST it did. Anyway you get a free view of my desktop for free!!
By 1806 England as well into the early years of what would become the Industrial Revolution. Steam engines had been in operation since the later eighteenth century – many in London Breweries – James Watt’s first major clients. He also supplied mines with steam pumps – and insisted on a resident engineer he had trained to maintain them. Steam would shortly be used for marine vessels, although Williams predates by about three decades the start of the railway era when immense amounts of coal were burnt in the engines. Nevertheless it is a prescient description of our current predicament. He states that “His only aim is Truth, his motive good, his only Wish the furtherance of Science; his Desire, to serve the Cause of Humanity.”
“Excuse me, Sir, I will need to consult my manager.” “Hhhhhrrrruuuummmph . . . ” ………… (scuttling sound down the hallway) ……………
Source: “Someone” needs a card
“Excuse me, Sir, I will need to consult my manager.”
“Hhhhhrrrruuuummmph . . . ”
………… (scuttling sound down the hallway) …………
“No documents, says he owns the Universe, built it in fact !”
“Oh, I know that place, down by the fish and chip shop, the bowling alley on the other side, or is that the Universal, anyway, whatever, …. ”
“Well, I dunno, he reckons its global, with big potential, expanding all the time. But he got no documents, nuthin’ at all.”
“Come on, you know the rules, no docs – no card. He might as well not exist if he ain’t got docs.”
“Yeah, I know, but he’s sort of insistent, sort of stare that bores through you. Know what I mean? Like he knows more than I do – unnerving.”
“How can he have no docs if he built the place? he’d need planning permission, Union contracts, cash on the nail deposits for utilities, safety and fire inspections, under the counter sweeteners for ‘ornery aldermen, and God only knows what else. City Halls gotta have filing cabinets full of it.”
“They can’t turn up nothing – I checked good -and he says the whole thing was built from scratch – you know – bit by bit – from nuthin’ really – self made type – so that’s why there are no docs. I can’t quite figure it – but seems sort of genuine – can’t put my finger on it.”
“Rules is rules, no documents, no card, hell he could bankrupt us if we don’t check him proper – remember that Angel guy we had in here, and all the crap that followed? I don’t care if he’s God Almighty.”
“I thought we’d give him a break – just this once, without a rating .. ”
“NO way. Whaddya mean he has no credit rating? Building that outfit without credit – its gotta be hot money, – drugs, women, or summat like that.”
……….. (scuttling sound back down the hallway) …………
“I am sorry sir, we can’t help you. My manager is adamant about documents. Says he don’t care if you are – well never mind. Sorry I can’t be of service- just get us a utility bill even, then we could give it a go, it’d be a start.”
“Yes, well I do understand, lucky for me I have a few other dimensions I can tap into that might help. (blinding flash.) Here … )”
(frantic scuttling down the hallway)
“Hey, this guy is a real treat, he’s got an eviction order from that Universe place, signed by T. A. God and S.T. Peter, and a fistful of fire & safety permits for an ultra-high temperature furnace. Oh yes, and a membership list with names you’ll never believe, and PIN numbers for all their cards too – fished them out a hidden pocket – so no problem! I gave him our top-level GLOBAL Gold Uranium Card, and do YOU ever owe me one!!”